I just threw up on my dentist
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
