i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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