Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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