I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Mom said you looked used
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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