Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
