He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
