clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
