you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
