What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
