just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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