PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
