hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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