I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm always down for nudity.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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