Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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