Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
