if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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