You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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