guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
