he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
