Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
