There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
