I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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