I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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