Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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