rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
