CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
