the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
