If i come over, it means nothing
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
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