My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
