Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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