Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
