he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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