I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
