Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
