is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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