Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
