That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
