ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
