i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
