Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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