she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
