I feel great
I just peed on a car
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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