I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
