we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
