I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Say something about gay babies.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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