I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
