Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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