it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
