I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
