I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
