His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
