I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
