my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
