watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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